Open mouth, insert motorcycle boot. American Idol judge Kara DioGuardi told Barbara Walters that Idol runner-up Adam Lambert has been openly gay since the show began. Leave it a Sagittarius like Kara to fling open the closet door that Adam has kept mysteriously shut. Sagittarius is the sign of the truth teller, known to blurt out information without forethought. Oops, she did it again!

Adam is an Aquarius, the sign of individuality, creativity and surprises. We seriously doubt he wanted Kara to end the speculation on his behalf. Knowing how his irreverent sign loves to shock, perhaps he had planned to toy with the press, Glambert-style. Or maybe — as someone of his talent rightly should — he wanted people to focus on his art rather than his personal life. Welcome to Hollywood, Adam!

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We are giddy—that’s right, giddy—with excitement to have gotten our hands on the Real Housewives of NJ’s astrological signs, direct from Bravo. 

No surprise, almost the entire cast is comprised of Earth and Water signs, who tend to congregate in the comfort of suburbia, and are “thick as thieves” with each other (can anyone else not stop saying that?). The lone Fire-sign misfit is—shocker—Danielle Staub. So without further ado…

Caroline Manzo (Virgo): Virgo is the sign of the helper and caretaker, ruler of the hearth and the ultimate housewife. Like a true Virgo, Caroline looks out for everyone she loves, and she appears to be an excellent cook. If you mess with this Alpha female’s family, you’re messing with her! Shrewd, detail-oriented Virgo is the zodiac’s critic, and nothing gets past her eagle eye. We look forward to seeing what her “investigations” of Danielle Staub turn up.

Danielle Staub (Leo):  Danielle is the stereotypical Leo — a vain, attention-hungry narcissist whose ego is as big as the Manzo girls’ “buh-bees.” That said, she does radiate a certain warmth typical of Fire signs, and like many Leo women, she’s never without a man. We’ll be interested to see how her friendships with Taurus housewives Teresa and Jacqueline go. Taurus and Leo form a tense square, and while they can make powerful allies, they can be equally fierce enemies. Will the tables be turned (or overturned) later this season? 

Dina Manzo (Pisces): Enchanting Dina has the luminous eyes and photogenic beauty typical of Pisces women. Although she plays coy, like every Pisces, she knows how to take control with an iron fist (watch her work a charity event). Guilt is a big theme for Pisces, and in typical fashion, Dina is torn between being there for daughter Lexi and growing her design business. As for the Dina-Danielle rivalry? While Danielle may be a fierce Lion, Dina is the real animal. Pisces women can be the popular-girl ringleaders in a “Heathers” sort of way, subtly undermining their enemies behind the scenes. Dina and sister Caroline are opposite signs — no surprise, since they seem to be opposites in many ways.

Jacqueline Laurita (Taurus): Like a persistent Taurus, Jacqueline has made it through hard times, from raising a difficult teen to suffering miscarriages. Although she may seem sweetly naive, the truth is, Taurus women are too lazy to be bothered with drama. They want to spend their days in a blissful suburban bubble, where everyone just gets along. While she’ll never start controversy for kicks, she does have her limit. If this Lady Bull gets pushed over the edge (note to Danielle), watch out!

Teresa Giudice (Taurus): Taurus is the sign that rules money, and we love when Teresa whips out hundreds of thousands in cash. Her sign is ruled by Venus, planet of beauty and pleasure. The Taurus woman wants nothing more than a beautiful family and a suburban castle filled with every comfort. Teresa’s dream home, the matching outfits for her daughters…she’s Taurus to a tee. Who has time for a career when there’s a family to spoil? Her patience and persistence make her the perfect stage mom for little Gia. Like fellow Taurus Jacqueline, she has a long fuse, but her breaking point (usually sparked by disloyalty) is sure to be fierce.

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Seventeen-year-old Olympic gymnast Shawn Johnson took the gold again–this time, for a different set of moves. Chalk it up to Jupiter, planet of luck, which is spending 2009 in Aquarius. Last night’s Dancing with the Stars finale was neck-in-neck (or should we say, toe-to-toe) between two Aquarian finalists, Johnson and Gilles Marini. No surprise, both were tied in judges’ scores, with Johnson winning by a less than 1 percent lead when those were averaged with viewer votes.

Having Jupiter in your sign brings a huge shot of fortune, and many Aquarians have been catapulted into the spotlight this year. Will Aquarius Adam Lambert be crowned the next American Idol tonight? This Dancing victory could foreshadow a week of Aquarius sweeps.

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On Saturday, we wrote that maturity-planet Saturn ended a five-month retrograde (backward) cycle in Virgo, helping everyone’s life get back on track. Today, reports confirm that Virgo singer Pink has reunited with her Cancer husband Carey Hart. Divine timing!

Pink is a classic example of what happens when Saturn visits a sign. An identity crisis is nearly inevitable, and one is forced to find his/her true self. If you’re out of touch with your soul or haven’t “found yourself,” Saturn forces you to go solo until you figure that out. As Pink would say, who knew?

Saturn has been retrograde in Virgo since September 2007, and Pink separated from Hart in 2008. If the two are back together, we can trust Pink has done the soul-searching necessary to be in a marriage now. Here’s wishing this cosmically-compatible couple a stable, happy future.

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Amen! We can’t help but say it. Saturn, the planet of challenges, discipline and restriction, has been retrograde (backward) since January 1st—and it’s been a real ass-kicker. Saturn is in Virgo, the zodiac’s helper and planner. If you’ve been struggling to stick to a routine, get a project off the ground or to keep the faith, chalk it up to Saturn retrograde. Fortunately, that cycle ended May 16th.

We call Saturn the zodaic’s “personal trainer” planet. It throws you challenges, which are designed to make you grow and mature. You may resist and complain at first—after all, your muscles are weak, and you probably lack discipline in this area. Once you surrender and do the work, the rewards are amazing (and usually permanent).With Saturn retrograde, you had to work twice as hard to get half the results.

Saturn is in Virgo until October 29—and now, in direct (forward) motion. Here’s where it will affect your sign. Whatever this area is, you’ll only succeed through good old-fashioned hard work, or by making disciplined effort. Step up to the plate!

Aries: Health, fitness, organization

Taurus: Romance, fertility, creativity

Gemini: Family, home, women, mothers

Cancer: Communication, siblings, friends

Leo: Money, work, material possessions, self-esteem

Virgo: Self-awareness, image, assertiveness, solo projects

Libra: Healing, the subconscious, letting go, kicking old habits and addictions

Scorpio: Group activity, technology, friendship

Sagittarius: Career, authority, leadership, fame, fathers

Capricorn: Travel, education, inspiration,  publishing, metaphysical topics

Aquarius: Intimacy, joint property, marriage, divorce, sex, power

Pisces: Relationships and partnerships

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Aries-Aries couple Jon and Kate Gosselin (of Jon & Kate Plus 8) are feeding more than eight hungry mouths. They’ve kept the tabloid rumor mill fodder-filled for several weeks now. Incriminating pictures suggest that Jon  is sneaking around with a young teacher, and Us Weekly implied Kate might be shacking up with her bodyguard (she denies it). What’s the real deal?

Aries is an independent sign, and the Aries woman is known to be a tough, no-nonsense leader (think: Rosie O’Donnell, Reese Witherspoon) who rules with an iron fist. The Aries man can be a bit of an overgrown frat boy (think: Hugh Hefner). While he does like a strong woman with maternal instincts, his ego can easily override his common sense.

In this week’s People, Kate notes that Jon’s partying began after she started earning more than him and touring separately to promote her books. In other words, if the Aries man ain’t the breadwinner, he certainly doesn’t want the rest of the world to find out. Of course, Aries is such an independent sign. We imagine the stress of one kid, much less eight, could seriously cramp their style.

So why the fascination with the private lives of these parents? Love planet Venus has been in Aries, their sign, since February. But the bad news broke while Venus was retrograde (backward) in Aries during March and April. As we noted in an earlier post, Venus dipped back into Pisces April 12-24. Pisces rules Jon and Kate’s twelfth house of secrets, hidden agendas and scandal. This was exactly when incriminating photos of Jon came out.

Now, Venus and energetic Mars are both in Aries until the end of May. The Gosselins could be fighting it out on camera. For Aries, a good brawl can be exactly what clears the air. At the heart, this sign is terrified of abandoment. They will need to air some real grievances in order to get past this challenge.

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Last night, Taurus Danny Gokey was eliminated from the remaining trio of American Idol contestants. We were a bit surprised—with the Sun in Taurus, this was a great period for him to make a winning impression. Alas, Danny didn’t follow our earlier advice to break out of his tried-and-true rut with an extreme makeover. This allowed Gemini Kris Allen to steal his thunder with a surprising rendition of fellow Gemini Kanye West’s “Heartless.”

So, it’s down to two Air signs now…Gemini Kris Allen and Aquarius Adam Lambert. Who will win? With lucky Jupiter in Aquarius all 2009, Adam does have the lion’s share of star power on his side. However, Kris has Jupiter in his ninth house of risk, also a great position since Jupiter rules this part of the zodiac. If he takes another well-calculated gamble like he did this week, Adam may not be the sure bet after all. We’ll see!

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It’s getting close! The Season 8 Idol competition is down to the final three contenders. Here’s why each could win…and what could send them home.

Adam Lambert (Aquarius)
Winning Edge: Aquarius is the sign of originality and surprises, and Adam keeps the audience guessing every week. With his ever-changing hairstyles and unique song arrangements, he’s in a class of his own. Also, lucky Jupiter is in Aquarius this year, giving Adam a real  advantage.

Danger Zone: Mercury, planet of gossip and communication, just went retrograde (backward) in Adam’s romance sector. Writers and bloggers speculate that Adam is “obviously” gay, while others deny it. During this cycle, which lasts until May 30, telling information could surface. If it does, we think Adam can rise above any controversy. Can Idol voters handle it?

Danny Gokey (Taurus)
Winning Edge: Like a steady, reliable Taurus, Danny delivers a rock-solid performance each week. Taurus rules the throat, and many singers share this sign (Billy Joel, Stevie Wonder). His sweet, down-to-earth charm and natural talent has won fans. Luck-planet Jupiter is in Danny’s tenth house of fame and career. No matter what happens, a record deal is guaranteed.

Danger Zone: Sometimes, a person’s best quality is also his worst. Taurus is consistent. The danger of that is a lack of variety, which we believe hurt fellow Taurus Alison Iraheta, who went home this week. Danny will need to mix it up without losing his core strengths (i.e., no more horror-show final notes). We continue to recommend a makeover. Lose the glasses, Danny boy!

Kris Allen (Gemini)
Winning Edge: Kris is a Gemini, and he knows how to work the mischievous boy-next-door thing. That trademark Gemini twinkle in the eye earned him a legion of teen girl fans. Gemini rules the hands, and Kris is nimble on the guitar. Like every Air sign, he has a likable, familiar quality, down to the T-shirts and Chuck Taylors. He’s that talented BFF everyone loves.

Danger Zone: Mercury, planet of communication, is retrograde (backward) in Gemini May 8-30. This puts Kris in the hotseat. He could fumble lyrics or mess up a performance if he’s not careful. However, Mercury retrograde is prime time for reinvention. Gemini is the sign of the Twins, with a reputation for having multiple personalities. It’s time to unveil the Other Kris! He’d best trade up the Abercrombie look and start looking like more of a rock star. Maybe he can borrow a necklace from Adam.

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It’s that time again…Mercury, the planet that rules communication, technology and transportation, is retrograde. Mercury passes the Earth in its orbit, 3-4 times a year, creating the illusion that it’s spinning backward. During this cycle, everything under its rulership goes haywire: computers and cell phones break down, people argue for no good reason, restaurant reservations disappear into the ether, and trains mysteriously fail to show up.

So yeah, is there anything good about this cycle? Just think of the prefix “re-” and go backward, too. Consider Mercury retrograde like a quarterly review period, a necessary review before you move ahead. Tie up loose ends, reconnect with old friends and colleagues, read the fine print before signing contracts. Review, reunite, repay, reconsider, rewrite…you get the idea. And you can always use prevention by double-confirming plans, being extra patient with people, and backing up important data.

Mercury is retrograde in Gemini this time, and the cycle lasts until May 30th. Here’s the area it will touch your sign specifically — so take extra care in this area:

Aries: Communication, siblings, tech gadgets (cell phones)
Taurus: Health, subconscious mind, old memories, unfinished business
Gemini: Appearance, self-confidence, asserting yourself
Cancer: Money, work, material objects and property
Leo: Friends, groups, computers and electronic equipment
Virgo: Career, fathers, men, authority, rules, structure
Libra: Long-distance travel, education, tactless remarks
Scorpio: Property, real estate, credit cards, debt, intimacy, sex
Sagittarius: Relationships (business and personal)
Capricorn: Health, fitness, organization, pets
Aquarius: Romance, pregnancy, children, drama
Pisces: Family, mothers, home

Read more on Astrostyle:
Mercury Retrograde survival guide
May Monthly Horoscopes

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