What It’s Actually Like To Have Your Astrological Chart Read
What happens when two frequent horoscope readers (but admitted skeptics) get their charts read by the AstroTwins.
by Katie Heaney & Sami Main
Tali and Ophira Edut — together known as the AstroTwins — are twin sister astrologers who write horoscopes for Elle.com, Refinery29, and TV Guide. They have also written several books on different facets of astrology. Their web series “Astrologica” premiered last week on Refinery 29 and will air every Monday.
Tali and Ophira came into the BuzzFeed office to read the charts of staff members Katie Heaney and Sami Main. Here’s how we felt about it immediately afterward. See original post here.
Birthday: June 14, 1991 at 12:27 p.m.
Sign: Gemini, with Virgo rising and Cancer moon
The AstroTwins say Sami is: career-oriented; shy and sensitive; craves close connections with women friends especially; close to her mother; nervous/socially anxious around men; very into animals and comedy.
Katie: So Sami: we just finished getting our readings and… oh my god. From what I know of you… that seemed really accurate. Right???
Sami: So, they completely nailed WEIRDLY specific details about my current life??? Like, when I asked about health issues, they somehow knew that I’d recently given up gluten and dairy. Like. How???
Katie: YES! And I knew that from like, sitting near you and whatever, and so I was trying to keep a poker face. But I was like, OMG SHE DOESN’T EAT GLUTEN OR DAIRY THAT IS TRUE!
Sami: They also recommended me doing more yoga/taking more probiotics (and trying apple cider vinegar??) which are ABSOLUTELY things I do but need to do more of. It’s like they read my Twitter feed, but they had no idea who we were before walking in there.
Katie: Right!!! What else felt weirdly on point to you?
Sami: It was a good sign, I think, that when I mentioned that I like improv that they were like, “Oh good, because you need to channel your wit, and now is a good time to do that.” Because I’m STARTING improv classes soon. They also said I should start some sort of “humorous blog” which I can always do more of, I guess. They said it helps me work out weird social anxieties, so like, that’s cool.
Katie: Haha, yeah, I suppose to some extent that’s already what we do every day. But with you they were very concerned with you channeling all your feelings appropriately. They kind of wanted you to like, go hang out with a whole bunch of guys.
Sami: Yeah!!! Apparently I have to make a bunch of mistakes, WHICH I DON’T LIKE DOING, before I turn 28 and ~ Saturn Returns ~ is all up in my business. Which they even SAID would be hard for me, so I don’t know how to just embrace stuff like that, ESPECIALLY because they also said talking to guys is a challenge for me as well. I apparently want a storybook romance but have to mess around a lot first??
Katie: Sami, you have five years before your Saturn Returns. Mine is THIS YEAR.
Sami: But MAYBE you’ve already DONE some of the hard work for it, and I have no idea what I’m supposed to get done by then. I guess no one does though.
Katie: Yeah, I mean, we’ll get to me later. Remember when they not only knew there was a long-distance guy in your life, but that he worked in finance, and even one of the twins asked the other, “How did you know that” ??
Sami: BUT HOW DID THEY KNOW THAT. That’s SUCH a specific detail about him, I have no idea how they pulled that out. They also totally called how “mothering” and maternal I am in general thanks to, apparently, my PAST LIFE AS A MOTHER. Thank god they said to hold off on kids — but also that wouldn’t be a problem because I’m career-oriented anyways. They said 2013 was when I was SUPER career-focused (hello, trying to get a job out of college), but this year I get to relax and have more fun.
Katie: It was weird how our past life stuff seemed to like, inform our personalities but also make us less likely to indulge in those things in THIS life. Like with holding off on kids. But also, you’re 22, so of course it’s gonna be a while.
BuzzFeeders getting their charts read.
Birthday: Nov. 25, 1986 at 8:48 p.m.
Sign: Sagittarius with Leo rising and Virgo moon
The AstroTwins say Katie is: expressive, opinionated, a leader; heartfelt and reserved; bossy; prideful in her work; picky and impatient; distrusting and a little angry (lol); “always going to be in charge.”
Katie: OK SO ME.
Sami: So they N A I L E D it. Without even KNOWING anything.
Katie: I loved how they were like, “Are you a little bossy?” and then a few seconds later brought it up AGAIN and were like, “You’re heartfelt and devoted but, again, a little bossy.”
Sami: Like in a nice way though. Like they said you don’t like to BE rushed but you like to be the one doing the rushing… and a little bossy.
Katie: Haha yes. They kind of made me sound like Mr. Darcy, I feel like. Like, soft core, hard, cold exterior. Distrusting. Impatient.
Sami: But they also said you were very passionate which is good! And that you should take up boxing to like get any weird anger out, just in case.
Katie: Yes, that was good advice. I’ve actually always been curious about boxing. For MY past life they were like, “You married young and were quite dependent, so in this life you’re hesitant to partner up, and it’s about learning to be assertive and independent.” Which I thought was CRAZY and also like a nice excuse for myself?
Sami: Like thanks, past Victorian Katie, for setting up this kick-ass independent lifestyle but ALSO like thanks for making everything take so much time too? Which also makes sense because you were born in Venus Retrograde.
Katie: Yeah, and that means that romance is a struggle for me. So, thanks, but that is OK, and not news to me, and they said I’d end up with someone much older, which is cool by me.
Sami: AND UNCANNY. BECAUSE OF WHO YOU MET THE NIGHT BEFORE HELLO. He fit their whole description exactly. Just saying.
Katie: Yes. Haha… yes. I’ll leave it at that. AND THEN they got me worried because unlike you I am nearly ancient and have my Saturn Returns this year, after I turn 28. And they were like, “You’re gonna have a major heartbreak,” and I was like, “Cool, cool.”
Sami: I mean yeahhhhh that’s not IDEAL to hear. But your Saturn Returns can mean the start of good things right after all the crappy stuff. And they also said to start seeing a therapist which, like, nice, that will help you through your major, gut-wrenching heartbreak, so… win-win?
Katie: What I liked about it was that they said that it’s [Saturn Returns] like getting your master’s degree — you have two to two-and-a-half years of struggling through these things and come out on the other side knowing what to do with your life. So it helps to think of it that way.
Sami: See that’s not so bad at all. It’ll be like a boot camp.
Katie: Right. OH the other super specific thing they knew was that I like to change my hair color and length all the time which is SO TRUE.
Sami: Because you are ~ expressive ~. And a little bossy.
Katie: Yeah, pretty bossy. Actually, the only thing I felt was not 100% on was that they said I like to be cooperative. And I was like, “No.”
Sami: Yeah, for me, they were sort of vague with me at the beginning. They said I had a “baby face” and that I didn’t like to wear a lot of makeup. Which I feel literally anyone could tell me exactly one minute after meeting me. HOWEVER, they immediately went into how I’m picky and like organic/natural things, which, yes.
Katie: Yeah, I think we all had our guards up at first and then they started mic-dropping random details and we all totally dropped any semblance of objectivity.
Sami: Yeah it was like, 30 mic drops for each of our readings.
Katie: Pretty much.
Katie and Sami understand that some of the things they were told could be considered vague enough to cover a wide variety of personalities, but they found so much of it to be super specific and personal that they are both motivated to make the best of their Saturn Returns. They are also a little spooked.