These holiday astrology do’s and don’ts will keep everyone cosmically copacetic. Here is your no-drama holiday horoscope by zodiac sign.
Hoping for a drama-free holiday season? It might be as easy as spotting Santa flying overhead. Unless, of course, you’re armed with some astrological foresight. With Venus retrograde and an intense Saturn-Uranus square playing celestial #ScroogeSquad at Christmas 2021, it will take extra effort to bring out every zodiac sign’s best.
As much as we laud the holiday season as a time of comfort and joy, it can be hard to escape the drama of the drunken uncle, guilt-tripping grandma or entitled child who’s had one too many years of attachment parenting. Fortunately, the stars can assist with your strategy. (Start asking your fellow revelers their birthdays at once!) Armed with knowledge of their astrology signs, you can sail through the season smoothly with any of the twelve signs with our no-drama holiday horoscopes.
Get your holiday horoscope do’s and dont’s––your no-drama holiday horoscope for…
Aries | Taurus | Gemini | Cancer | Leo | Virgo | Libra | Scorpio | Sagittarius | Capricorn | Aquarius | Pisces
If you’re celebrating the holidays with an ARIES (March 21 – April 19)
DO: Give Aries your undivided attention
Sit down for some one-on-one dialogue with the Aries in attendance. Crowds can overstimulate Rams who prefer to focus on one thing at a time. They love to talk about their latest hobbies or musical interests. You might just want to open up a new file in your notebook app because you’re sure to get some great references. If you really want advice, there’s no one sharper—or more hardcore—than this sign. They’ll listen keenly but they won’t mince words. Only ask for their input if you’re sure you can handle the truth.
DON’T: Make them work too hard
Don’t expect Aries to take on too many tasks or you’ll wind up with a cranky, frazzled, and pissed off Ram at the party. Errands are not their forte—uh, that’s what virtual assistants are for! Give them ONE big thing to handle. Maybe it’s making a signature craft cocktail or playlist. And don’t get mad if you have to email these duties to their VA—or text them your address (again!) fifteen minutes before guests arrive. Aries are Very Important People with Very Stressful Lives. You’ll be sure to hear about over the Gingerbread Martinis they so artfully concocted.
If you’re celebrating the holidays with a TAURUS (April 20 – May 20)
DO: Get their tasteful input
Classing it up is a must if there’s a Taurus at your table. This sign may love simplicity—but they are elegant and a touch snobbish in their tastes. Tap them for ideas on the menu, assign them a main dish, or let them play sommelier for the event. Make sure that customs are adhered to, and that the original theme of every holiday is acknowledged. That’s what the rules say and that’s how the Bull plays. Now, tell the nice Taurus what you’re thankful for this year.
DON’T: Reveal where you skimped on spending or quality
So you got your table decorations at the dollar store, used the microwave brand of Stove Top for your stuffing selection. Keep. It. On. The. Downlow. Otherwise you may notice your Bull doing the plate shuffle without eating a bite (“I had breakfast too late, I guess.”) or slipping mounds of radioactive breadcrumbs to your eager Bichon Frise. Also be careful about bringing up subjects like politics or religion with a Bull in attendance. This stubborn and outspoken sign often confuses fact with opinion (theirs) and could polarize guests by insisting that THEIR view is the only view.
If you’re celebrating the holidays with a GEMINI (May 21 to June 20)
DO: Let them entertain the kiddies
Place Gemini right at the perimeter of the kids’ table. This sign has a gift with the little ones, probably because of their own eternally youthful take on life. Letting Gemini’s playful side emerge kills two worrisome birds with one stone: 1) The kids won’t act up because Gemini will have them all raptly involved with an imaginative game; 2) Gemini won’t start playing devil’s advocate and riling up the adult guests. This seating chart is just a win-win.
DON’T: Fall into their gossipy grip
Geminis love to gossip—though they’d never label it that. They’ll insist that they’re “just being honest” as they crucify your clueless cousin with a scathing review. There will always be more than just an element of truth in a Gemini’s sharp assessment and one that can leave people feeling forced to take sides. If you see Gemini pull someone into an empty room, it might be wise to “naively” intervene. “Come on, I want to show you this insane YouTube video!” Excuse yourself quickly if Gemini’s acerbic comments start to fly. Even listening compassionately heaps fuel onto the fires of a potential family feud.
If you’re celebrating the holidays with a CANCER (June 21 to July 22)
DO: Give them a starring role in plans and hosting
Let’s get one thing clear: Cancer gets first dibs on hosting for the holidays. This is the rock of the family we’re talking about here. What kind of person would deny them their right to shine in their element? Be sure to at least extend them first rights of refusal. If a Crab is joining your celebration, let them weigh in on your menu choices, guest list, course timing, etc. It’s annoying to sacrifice control, but you won’t be able to stop them from opining anyway. Honestly, their advice could save you major stress.
DON’T: Refresh their drinks too often (except for water)
Easy now with the cup o’ cheer refreshers. You have a water sign seated at your table and one that doesn’t readily show just how sensitive they are. With enough liquid courage, Cancers can get sloppy sentimental in the worst kind of way. “Drunk in love” is a status best left to Beyonce, not a slurred “I just lurve you all so much” speech when they are three sheets to the wind. Or worse, the brandied eggnog can uncork a bottled-up Cancer who feels emboldened to bring up a family issue that would be best addressed in the therapist’s office. Another pitcher of water, please!
If you’re celebrating the holidays with a LEO (July 23 – Aug 22)
DO: Let Leo play event planner (and make sure to pitch in)
Leos love to be in charge even if they are tweaking the traditions to fit their modernized worldview. Give the zodiac’s royal reign over something, anything and be sure to help out. Pitch in as a prep cook, grocery store runner, decorations aid or dishwasher well in advance of the event so your overarching lion doesn’t have a, “I can’t handle this by myself!” meltdown the day of the party.
DON’T: Refuse to join their reindeer games
Don’t destroy the magic bubble by refusing to participate in the sing-along or secret Santa gift exchange Leo has worked tirelessly to organize. There’s going to be a little Borscht Belt schmaltz to deal with if a Leo’s in charge, sure. But if you just loosen up a little, you’ll have some fun—or at least a good laugh. Suck it up, put on the goddamn reindeer antlers and rehearse your lines for the pageant. Leo worked VERY hard on the script, you know.
If you’re celebrating the holidays with a VIRGO (Aug 23 – Sep 22)
DO: Let them handle the details
Keep a camera handy! We’ve discovered a little-known secret: this zodiac sign is the maestro of the artfully posed shot and 4K video skills. It’s where their attention to detail, coquettish seduction style and desire to be thought well of in the public eye collapse into a brilliant trifecta. You might even spring for a Fuji Instamax or old school Polaroid and let Virgo run the “photo booth.” Guests won’t forget these souvenirs and best of all a busy Virgo doesn’t have time to be a busybody Virgo.
DON’T: Take advantage of their helpful ways
Don’t dump all the work on Virgo even if they keep on volunteering to take on tasks and insisting that, “it’s no problem!” Virgo is the sign of service and they love to be helpful. Unfortunately that also translates to them taking on far too much and draining themselves. The laundry list of resentment will grow in direct proportion so wrestle some responsibility away from this control freak (and uh, and good luck with that) before they melt down. Although they might snipe at you for a minute they will thank you when it’s time to sit down for the big celebration.
If you’re celebrating the holidays with a LIBRA (Sep 23 – Oct 22)
DO: Start without them if they’re late
You thought you’d be done with dessert by 9PM but Libra is just setting out the main course. If you’re feting the season with this sign, do keep a wide gap of extra time in your schedule because Libras hate to be rushed. They want to savor every moment; in fact, analyzing the notes of the wine and regaling guests with the tales of how they tracked down a Madagascar vanilla bean used in their dessert. If you’re hosting, you might have to start eating before Libra arrives. This sign means well, but have a habit of squeezing three engagements into the space where only one should fit. Don’t let Libra’s late arrival deflate your pumpkin soufflé. Start the meal without them.
DON’T: Forget the gifts
Gifts are not optional for Libra; they are essential. Don’t get caught empty-handed as Libra rings the doorbell, staggering under the weight of all those perfectly wrapped boxes—or making the nearest man in sight do the heavy lifting for her. (She’s wearing six inch Loubs, darling). If you have the good fortune of sitting around a Libra’s table, bring a nice bottle of Pinot or a bouquet of flowers. Whatever Libra is serving, from the smoked oyster stuffing to the shaved Brussels sprouts with tendrils of Applewood smoked bacon, this sign is downright decadent.
If you’re celebrating the holidays with a SCORPIO (Oct 23 – Nov 21)
DO: Keep them away from their rivals
When it comes to family feuds, the Montagues and Capulets have a bit in common with the average Scorpio. There’s always at least one relative who has earned arch enemy status, or prompts an eye-roll from Scorpio at the mention of their name. If you’re planning to celebrate with this sign, put in a private call to find out who is on their shitlist. Even if you can’t leave Scorpio’s nemesis off the guest list, you can devise a seating chart so nobody winds up stung.
DON’T: Pressure them to share anything private
So your idea of a perfect holiday involves going around the table, asking every guest to declare, “What I’m most grateful for in 2021.” Uh-oh. Forcing the exceptionally private Scorpio to open up around a group of people could provoke an intensely unpleasant reaction. It’s just a bad idea to put on a Scorpio on the spot about their lives—especially if they’re not super close with the other celebrants. Here’s the truth: what they’re REALLY most thankful for is probably not suitable for a general audience’s ears. If you’re lucky, they might whisper the juicy tale to you after everyone else has slipped into a food coma. Hawt!
If you’re celebrating the holidays with a SAGITTARIUS (November 22-December 21)
DO: Load up the buffet
Add another dish to your menu (or maybe two). Sagittarius is ruled by Jupiter, god of the feast, and can polish off a plateful of holiday fare before most people have tasted their first side. They’ll want seconds and probably thirds so a bare-bones menu will leave them feeling totally cheated. Don’t bum out your Archer with a lame or lackluster spread. They don’t mind healthy fare, but if you’re going to make gluten-free stuffing it had better be packed with flavor crystals. That is all.
DON’T: Get mad if they slip out early
Kids, don’t try this at home: force a Sagittarius to stick around all night to flip through photo albums, watch It’s A Wonderful Life, and rehash the same old stories from the family archive. This is the zodiac’s jetsetter we’re dealing with here and a few hours in one location is all this sign can stomach before the claustrophobia kicks in. Don’t take it personally if the Archer already made plans to meet a high school friend for after-dinner cocktails, or ropes the willing relatives to going to a 9PM movie after the dishes are washed. If you can’t beat ‘em, you might as well join ‘em.
If you’re celebrating the holidays with a CAPRICORN (Dec 21-Jan 19)
DO: Put extra effort into everything
Don ye now your glam apparel — or at least your most elegant après-ski couture. Capricorns want any event they host or attend to be worthy of a photo shoot, preferably cribbed from a Ralph Lauren billboard. (#dontyouwishyourfamilywashotlikemine) Bringing wine or spirits? Pull from as close to the top shelf as you can afford. Picking up a side? Gourmet grocery or bust. Tasteful selections rank high with this sign, so do the research and choose wisely if you want to be invited to this influencer’s parties ever again.
DON’T: Embarrass them in public
The libations may be flowing but if you know that your good sense goes out the window after your third round, stop at the second. Capricorns like to keep up a appearances. The worst thing you can do is to make an embarrassing scene or be loud, indiscriminate or vulgar at their tasteful affair. At the very least wait until Capricorn tells the first raunchy joke — their stuffiness will subside once they get comfortable. This just takes a little longer for them so hold the dangling mistletoe until after dessert.
If you’re celebrating the holidays with an AQUARIUS (Jan 20-Feb 19)
DO: Indulge their ethics
Excuse me, but is this meat free-range? Are the collard greens organic and were the sweet potatoes sustainably farmed? Altruistic Aquarius cares about making the world a better place. If you ask them what they’re grateful for, they’ll probably mention the fact that they aren’t suffering like a lot of people on the planet. If you want to score points with the Water Bearer, be conscious about your choices. You might even have a collection jar set up for the charity of Aquarius’ selection. They’ll love spearheading this initiative and everyone will end the night with a feelgood buzz.
DON’T: Leave their friends out in the cold
Even if you didn’t plan for a plus-one (or plus-three), Aquarius rarely shows up alone for a celebration. They always know “a friend” who’s been left out in the cold and feel compelled to brighten this person’s spirits. Don’t throw a fit if the Water Bearer arrives with an unexpected guest. They’d sooner skip the whole celebration than leave a lonely soul out in the cold. But then you’d lose the most entertaining person at the table and that would be a shame.
If you’re celebrating the holidays with a PISCES (Feb 19-Mar 20)
DO: Let them DJ the playlist
With a Pisces at the party forget about making it a stuffy or formal affair. Even if everyone IS dressed up, this sign craves connection. Ask Pisces to say grace, read a poem or spiritually-evocative passage. There probably won’t be a dry eye in the house when they’re finished. This sign has a special connection to music so invite them to make a few playlists: upbeat before the meal, ambient during dinner and dance-worthy after dessert.
DON’T: Leave them with all the dishes
Caution: guilt trips ahead. Pisces is the queen of saying, “I’ll do it,” then stewing in frustration because everyone has “dumped on” them. A cold fish Pisces can bring down everyone’s mood, a teary one will take a long time to talk down from the tree. Sidestep this issue by being more aggressive with offerings of help. Don’t ask, “What can I do?” or they will say, “Nothing.” Instead, just tell them, “It would be really fun for me to contribute.” Pisces needs to know you’ll enjoy helping out before they will pass the baton.
Photo by Jovana Rikalo