An Ode to Fire Monkey Chinese Lunar New Year

The verbal, witty Monkey is a master of wordplay. So how better to welcome the Chinese lunar Year of the Fire Monkey than with some brilliant verse from Astrostyle’s poet laureate Myke Kofi. Happy Aquarius new moon and Gung Hay Fat Choi to all!


The Fiery Monkey 2016

by Myke Kofi, Astrostyle’s poet laureate

Astro geeks! All set for the cheeky, fiery monkey?

A Chinese New Year where we won’t keep still.

“Hey, hey we’re the Monkees!” – born and raised; born and raised

In the Heavens and on Earth. Chic geeks, analyse this – if you will.


Mutable magic, mischief and mayhem. Merriment and mirth.

Chinese monkey’s twelve yearly elemental cosmic rebirth.


Astro geeks check: ascendant, descendant; nadir and the zenith.

Monkey see, monkey say: “R.E.M. What’s the frequency, Kenneth?”


Election Day, a Chironic key moment of Truth when

U.S. Presidential hopefuls proclaim:

“We the people for the people by the people!”

Alas # What the hell’s going on? Babbles clueless Donald “Chump”

Hacking Hillary’s hard choices emails? Or will voters gimme the hump?


On the monkey-bars with a Fit Bit, a Black Madonna draped in her cape;

Fair-trading top ba-na-nas originating from the Planet of the apes!


Who is the Ladies’ man around here? Booms bad-ass Baboon   [Oh, Jupiter-Leo, so last year]

I am King Kong! Empire state of mind analysing Fay Wray’s Moon [Sadge/Cap cusp]

Monkey see, monkey say:  “Which constellation mimics the chimpanzee?

Better scoop the ‘scopes from Astrostyle® down-to-earth astrology!


Perhaps astrology’s most Frequently Asked Questions:

When will I recognise my soul primate? Should I date to mate or mindfully medi-date?

When will I walk down the aisle like a radiant Bridezilla?

Should I embroider green epaulettes onto my Fleur du mal® bodice?

Will it be ripped to threads by a gentle gibbon or garrulous guerrilla?


Gonna be a year of monkey magic everywhere:  arctic monkeys, blow monkeys

Brass monkeys, circus monkeys escaping from the “infinite monkey cage”.

So who you gonna call?  Problem-solving Dial-A-Monkey*

Signed, sealed, delivered with a kiss.  Siggy Weaver’s Gorilla’s in the mist.

Bright-eyed “Little Gito” rescued baby orangutan; Proboscis monkeys; Rhesus monkeys;

Wise monkeys and ooh, cuter than cute baby bonobos.

As for Bowie’s “Labyrinth” hairdo? Legendary star (wo) man in heaven: “doesn’t give a monkeys”!


A year to undo seven deadly sins at the Vatican’s Holy door.            [Sloth, anyone]?

For compassion, mercy, forgiveness – goddess monkey, we implore!

At the Rio Para-Olympics; dazzle the world with monkey gymnastics.

Expect game-changing Eclipses on the Aries-Libran, Pisces-Virgoan axes.


Alas, errant monkey-wrenches fly into organic ointments; going over old ground reappraising disappointments. Mercury Retrogrades in the Earth signs. Triple! Check!! Everything!!!


Donald “Chump” newsflash: Mercury retrogrades? Astro geeks? Shreek!

# What the hell is this? Tell me: are you in or out of my monkey business!

Cheeky monkeys, fiery monkeys # You’re fired!

Mail chimps, Survey monkeys # You’re hired!!


Written for  @astrostyle © Myke Kofi  2016 @MykoYeboh.* * *


Reference sources:

*Suzanne White’s 2016 Chinese Astrology in The Astro Twins’ 2016 Planetary Planner®

  • The Monkees (Davy Jones, Micky Dolenz, Michael Nesmith & Peter Tork)
  • “Monkey magic”, 70s TV series based on the book “Journey to the West/Hsi Yu Chi”, a 16thcentury Chinese epic translated into the English by Arthur Waley.
  • Monkey and me. Emily Gravett (Macmillan’s children’s books 2010)
  • The Jungle Book (Rudyard Kipling, 1893-94)
  • “Baby orang-utan [Little Gito] found [by International Animal Rescue, East Sussex, UK] in a box is happy and alert” in [Friday November 27, 2015 page 19].
  • “Buddha bod: a proboscis monkey in apparent reflection in a tree in Borneo” [Friday December 11, 2015]. Photo credit: Lee Wilson/Mercury Press




The AstroTwins

Identical twin sisters Ophira and Tali Edut, known as The AstroTwins, are the founders of and the authors of multiple bestselling astrology books. Their horoscopes reach millions here and through their resident astrologer column at ELLE Magazine.