We are giddy—that’s right, giddy—with excitement to have gotten our hands on the Real Housewives of NJ’s astrological signs, direct from Bravo.
No surprise, almost the entire cast is comprised of Earth and Water signs, who tend to congregate in the comfort of suburbia, and are “thick as thieves” with each other (can anyone else not stop saying that?). The lone Fire-sign misfit is—shocker—Danielle Staub. So without further ado…
Caroline Manzo (Virgo): Virgo is the sign of the helper and caretaker, ruler of the hearth and the ultimate housewife. Like a true Virgo, Caroline looks out for everyone she loves, and she appears to be an excellent cook. If you mess with this Alpha female’s family, you’re messing with her! Shrewd, detail-oriented Virgo is the zodiac’s critic, and nothing gets past her eagle eye. We look forward to seeing what her “investigations” of Danielle Staub turn up.
Danielle Staub (Leo): Danielle is the stereotypical Leo — a vain, attention-hungry narcissist whose ego is as big as the Manzo girls’ “buh-bees.” That said, she does radiate a certain warmth typical of Fire signs, and like many Leo women, she’s never without a man. We’ll be interested to see how her friendships with Taurus housewives Teresa and Jacqueline go. Taurus and Leo form a tense square, and while they can make powerful allies, they can be equally fierce enemies. Will the tables be turned (or overturned) later this season?
Dina Manzo (Pisces): Enchanting Dina has the luminous eyes and photogenic beauty typical of Pisces women. Although she plays coy, like every Pisces, she knows how to take control with an iron fist (watch her work a charity event). Guilt is a big theme for Pisces, and in typical fashion, Dina is torn between being there for daughter Lexi and growing her design business. As for the Dina-Danielle rivalry? While Danielle may be a fierce Lion, Dina is the real force to be reckoned with. Pisces women can subtly undermine their enemies behind the scenes. Dina and sister Caroline are opposite signs — no surprise, since they seem to be opposites in many ways.
Jacqueline Laurita (Taurus): Like a persistent Taurus, Jacqueline has made it through hard times, from raising a difficult teen to suffering miscarriages. Although she may seem sweetly naive, the truth is, Taurus women are too lazy to be bothered with drama. They want to spend their days in a blissful suburban bubble, where everyone just gets along. While she’ll never start controversy for kicks, she does have her limit. If this Lady Bull gets pushed over the edge (note to Danielle), watch out!
Teresa Giudice (Taurus): Taurus is the sign that rules money, and we love when Teresa whips out hundreds of thousands in cash. Her sign is ruled by Venus, planet of beauty and pleasure. The Taurus woman wants nothing more than a beautiful family and a suburban castle filled with every comfort. Teresa’s dream home, the matching outfits for her daughters…she’s Taurus to a tee. Who has time for a career when there’s a family to spoil? Her patience and persistence make her the perfect stage mom for little Gia. Like fellow Taurus Jacqueline, she has a long fuse, but her breaking point (usually sparked by disloyalty) is sure to be fierce.