He loves you, he loves you not. With the Libra man, your relationship can feel like a pendulum, swinging wildly until it finally settles at a comfortable point. Why can’t he just make up his mind?

More than anything, what the Libra man wants from a relationship is to be sure—a hundred million trillion percent sure—that you’re The One. If that takes him five minutes or five years, so be it. You could already by his commonlaw wife by the time he drops to one knee.

Of course, it doesn’t have to take that long. It depends on how well you complement each other. The Libra man craves an interdependent, equally balanced relationship. He wants you to be autonomous and capable of finding your own happiness, with or without him. At the same time, he likes to feel like you’re the missing piece in his romantic puzzle, to create an even higher state of bliss together. A slight contradiction, but that’s Libra. If you provide the counterweight that balances out his bad habits and shortcomings, he’ll gladly join forces.

Libra is the sign of the judge, so he subjects prospective mates to a lengthy evaluation before committing. During his weighing and measuring process, he’ll examine whether he’s “settling” by being with you. This guy has a breathtaking sense of entitlement—only the best for Prince Libra! Years can pass between his relationships, and he often marries late. Unfortunately, he also has a case of verbal diarrhea, and will babble out his whole messy thought process well within your earshot. Hello, insensitive. You’ll need to develop a thick skin to tough out those times.

The Libra man craves peace, and if you’re better at making war than love, you’ll only delay his evaluation process. If your demands, temper or unexamined emotions tip his scales too far, he’ll wisely draw back and let you reconfigure your own system. He can only handle so much drama, especially since he’s often staging his own. After reboot, you must return mature and self-possessed if you want to regain his favor.

Although his tough love pays off in the long run, it’s also infuriating. Even though he can be a spoiled brat, he has little tolerance for you being pouty, clingy or childish. Of course, he may foster that very dependence with baby talk, silly voices and cute nicknames. It’s all about moderation and proportion with Libra. If you’re going to be a little girl today, he wants you to be a sophisticated woman tomorrow.

Equality is a big deal for Libra. He needs you to play fair, and although he denies it, he’s always quietly keeping score. When he needs to win an argument, he’ll pull out his arsenal: “Well, I did the laundry last time and the dishes, so you should take out the trash.” Or, “We went to your favorite restaurant last time, so tonight we have to go to mine.”

Anything too extreme throws Libra out of alignment, turning him into a grouchy ogre, even a tyrant. Our Libra grandfather had two favorite sayings: “Too much!” (when we served him an over-filled dinner plate) and “Q-U-I-E-T!” (he’d bellow out this warning out before taking his daily nap). He needs to retreat and refresh himself, and has a few regular routines that must not be denied. For our grandpa, it was a 1:00 nap, followed by a cup of Lipton tea and two crumbly Pecan Sandies—every single day of his 30 post-retirement years. Our friend Amanda has grudgingly accepted that at 7:00 p.m., her Libra husband will be meeting his cyber-buddies online to play World of Warcraft, a multi-player computer game. Whatever the Libra man requires to unwind and rebalance—a cold beer, a run on the beach, an hour in his model airplane studio—the wise woman learns to let him have it.

As much as he may take the long side roads to the altar, Libra is the sign of partnerships, contracts and marriage. Ultimately, he’s at his best when he teams up with his equal partner. The right relationship can be a wonderful canvas for him to express his finest qualities of diplomacy, love and harmony. Just don’t rush him, okay?

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