2009: Year of the Anti-Marriage

An interesting phenomenon happened this year: straight-people couplings went rather out of fashion. Harry Winston rings, Vera Wang gowns, bended-knee proposals…can you say boooooring? On top of that, the tanking economy made lavish weddings downright passe. Publishing giant Conde Nast even folded former cash cows Modern Bride and Elegant Bride magazines. Our own Brides.com column ended, and many of our friends chose quiet City Hall ceremonies over the chapel. Friends in the wedding industry (photographers, planners) reported their slowest years ever.

Why? Jupiter, planet of expansion, spent the year in Aquarius — the postmodern sign of social justice and revolution. Romantic Neptune traveled by its side, opening our minds and hearts to a new kind of love–and making all things traditional seem hopelessly outmoded. Bohemian Aquarius is one of the least conventionally romantic zodiac signs.

In Hollywood, romance between two vanilla heteros failed to captivate the tabloid-weary eye. The strongest couples seemed to be those who bypassed the whole marriage hoopla, like Brangelina. Nicole Richie and Joel Madden. Goldie Hawn and Kurt Russell. With Tiger Woods being the latest “role model” to make a sham of his vows, it all came to seem like a joke.

On the other hand, gay marriage become one of the year’s hottest issues. No surprise. Jupiter broke through our boundaries of what love “should” look like, forcing us to redefine those so-called rights to life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness. Look who captured our gawker’s gaze in ‘09: Newlyweds Ellen and Portia. Train-wreck twosome Lindsay Lohan and Samantha Ronson. A liplock in Marie Claire between bisexual Drew Barrymore and her Whip It co-star Ellen Page. American Idol runner-up Adam Lambert, who capped off the year with a prime time televised same-sex smooch at the AMAs.

Aquarius is a political sign, and the wave rose in this arena, too. Celebs and civilians alike spoke out against Proposition 8, a California amendment that only recognized male-female unions. Beauty contestant Carrie Prejean jeopardized the Miss USA crown with controversial remarks against “opposite marriage.” (Granted, she’s an old-fashioned Taurus whose religious “values” preclude same-sex weddings…but they somehow didn’t rule out making pornographic sex tapes. Ten points to Team Rainbow for that hypocrisy.) Just today, Houston elected its first openly gay mayor, Annise Parker, making it the largest U.S. city ever to do so.

Will the trend continue? Yes…in a different way. On January 17th, 2010, Jupiter moves into romantic Pisces, scattering rose petals and lacy bits over everything again. 2010 will be a decidedly sappy year, making straight and gay folks alike yearn for old-fashioned romance. Fortunately, Jupiter will travel with radical Uranus (ruler of Aquarius) for much of 2009 — keeping the fires of social justice lit. We could all gain equal opportunity to be hopeless fools in love, getting our hearts smashed on the rocks, all sharing the mystical quest to understand the sacred enigma of partnership.

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